I am slowly coming to terms with my sexuality, which has been a very difficult process through my years, and even more difficult with each day that passes with the more certain I become with who I really am.
Now here's my problem; as of yet I have only come out to my older brother (who is also gay and my whole family is very accepting of him) and sister, one of her friends and just recently a friend of mine. After I told my friend that I thought I was gay, I instantly wanted to take it back and go hide in a corner somewhere. I felt like some horrendous thing had become unleashed and I could never take it back. I got this heavy feeling on my shoulders, and a sickening feeling in my stomach; it hasn't seemed to go away since.
My really big problem at the moment is that I hate that I'm gay, and I'm having great difficulty accepting myself for who I am. I feel completely alone, despite that my sister says things will change. I feel like the only person in a crowded room, to put it in a cliche sort of saying. Each day is harder to survive, especially since recently the girl who I've been in love with for three years (who I was certain is gay) mentioned that she could never ever be with another girl (which left me feeling more isolated and disgusted by myself then ever.) I've always known that I'm different from everyone else for so long, and waited so many years to free myself of this guilt and shame.
What I want to know is a few things; how hard was it for the rest of you women to accept who you are and how long did it take until you felt comfortable in your own skin? When you first told one of your friends that you thought you were gay, did you experience this extreme regret like I do?
Thank you for anyone who reads this and helps me out, any advice is extremely appreciated, and I apologize for the massive essay.